My mom, to me; Do you want to answer your brother? I don't know why he's asking me. I have no real control over you. You are an adult now...
Me, to my brother; You know, I really wish you would stop pushing this. Ma's accepted that I'm a giant failure. Why can't you? Here's a couple reasons why I'm not going to school. I can't afford it. I have no way to get there. Having open availability gives me more hours at work. I don't want to. I hate homework. I don't want to waste my money or ma's money for something that I'm afraid I won't finish.
My brother, to me; First, its free for you. I don't know how many times I have to say that. Second, and tired of sugar coating... You're almost 21, have no job skills, no license, no way to support yourself, cut the shit with more hours at blockbuster, stop depending on mom to continuing to raise you like you're a child. Grow up and do something with your life. You make so many excuses for everything and all you're doing is looking for the easy way out on everything. So ignore me I don't care but what are you going to do when mom's no longer around?
- Mood:
pessimistic
I've fallen quite madly for this one model. Which is silly. And it makes me feel kind of like a filthy old skeez because he's seventeen. But he's so adorable. And he reminds me of the kid I liked in grade eight. Not of what I think he (my grade eight love) would look like now, but how he looked then. I don't think about how people from my past look now. I think of how they looked then. And this model reminds me of him.
So, moving on, remember when I sent my laptop in to be fixed a while back? Yeah, well, they didn't do jack shit and now I can't get ahold of the fucking company to be like ''Fix my shit God damn it.'' and it really pisses me off.
But in brighter news, my ONE TERABYTE (It gives me shivers to say that) external should be arriving tomorrow. I am REALLY looking forward to getting all of my shit back, even if it means having to redownload every fucking thing.
Um. What else can I say. I think ATT is fucking us HARD with our mobiles. But my phone is so sexy. I really don't want to get rid of it ;3;
I can't think of anything else, so I'm going to continue going about and looking at photos of this lovely underage model and feel dirty.
- Mood: dirty
I can't remember how long ago I was first introduced to the art of scarification, but I remember who told me about it. And I remember thinking ... how much I wanted it. For those cats not hip to the jive, scarification is the process of ... well, scarring yourself. Artistically. I've seen some beautifully intricate designs done. It achieves an effect no unlike tattooing, but minus the color, of course.
So. Squid, tentacles and scarification, got it?
I was browsing the internet as I often do and I came upon a design that is ... amazing. And simple. And I want it. I'mma post a text link for the curious folk to click. Probably not work safe material, although if you've read this entry, you should be able to guess what it is and make that decision for yourself.
honeymurder.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/1
- Mood: jealous
I've been doing prettyyyy well. Noticing that I neglect the shit out of the lj. But that's okay. It's not like I have a gazillion things to update about anyway.
But. Just wanted to pop in. Work's been going real good. Just wish I had more hours. But I love it, really. Lesley says as soon as hours pick up, I will be scheduled more. I work six hours this week. Well. I might work more. Get this. I'm on call for Sunday xD
That just makes me lol and feel important. ''CAN'T GO TO EASTER DINNER , GUYS. I'M ON CALL.'' I doubt anyone will call, but I've got a nice loud ringer on my phone now, so we should be all good if I am. I am still sad about dinner :c We were going to have it at my sister's new house, but since she lives an hour away... Well, my mom doesn't want to drive out there and maybe have to drive all the way back out here.
Gas is expensive, you know?
So, what else is there... I've been RPing again. It made me lol last night because I took a quick cuddle break, but before I did, I made sure that my partner was going to be online for a minute. And she was like ''Yeah, I'll probably be on for another half hour or so'' and that was at one thirty.
We didn't go to bed until four xD It's a ton of fun. I had missed it. She's already IM'd me and said that she's watching... some show right now, but when it's over, let's continue xD I said okay. I was supposed to be using that hour to shower (lolrhyme) but instead... Here I am. Well. No. Here I am FINISHING. SO I CAN GO SHOWER.
(Did I mention that it's fucking snowing? Ugh.)
- Mood:
cheerful
Having a job HAS helped though. A lot. So has a new phone. God I love it.
Anyway. I've been thinking a lot lately about how like... everyone I know is all ''Oh, my cats aren't very cuddly'' or ''My cat is mean'' and it just confuses the shit out of me because like... my cats freaking love me. Discordia follows me around like some mother hen and Tiger is always laying on me or RIGHT next to me. (You should see the photos. Heart)
Honestly, I pretty much don't know what I'd do if they weren't snugglebugs. I'll go from calling Tiger a jerk to being intensely napping with him in my face.
And Discordia has a new found love of being cradled like a baby. Which is adorable as all get out, but a little annoying when I just want to go to bed lol I wish I could take photos of it because she's so cute. But, as it turns out, cradling is a two handed action.
So. Yuh. I love my cats, basically.
In other news, I've been going to the gym pretty regularly. No weight loss that I can tell (And believe me, I'd tell) but I did recently buy a pair of pants to work out in which are a size large (Which is small to me. I've never been able to fit in to a large) so... I'm hoping to continue on the path of buying smaller pants.
I also got a new phone. It's not an iPhone, but it is touch and I do love it. I just wish I knew of more mobile sites to go to (Right now I got to moba mingle. It's not bad, but I want something new)
I'm working... more. Not full time, or even close but... I'm not complaining. (I was doing three hour WEEKS for a while there, and right now I've got uh... eleven hours this week?)
That's kind of all I can think of. So. Yeah.
- Mood:
sleepy
Always,
Uhlisuh
- Mood:
cynical
I work at Blockbuster tomorrow, then I'm off that for a week to sell tickets.
I'd tell peeps to come find me, but I don't have peeps except for one person and srsly you should come down. I'll buy you lunch or something and we can emo or has makeouts party or something.
Bring the sheep rug.
And probably also some face wash because I'm all broken out and it really pisses me off. A lot. But I'm taking care of it with some facial cream on my own side of things.
- Mood: thirsty
Bah. Just me whining. Last night I watched about four hours of LA Ink, which I have never planned on doing in my entire life, but that on top of a friend of mine getting some tattoos kind of make me decide that I want one. But don't worry, not having any money (Or not wanting to spend it) and noting having any real inspiration for a tattoo means I won't be getting one on the spur of the moment. Which is good.
I'm really pissed because last night, I got REALLY FAR in my Pokemon game, only I hadn't saved in like three hours, so when I lost a trainer battle and lost half of my money because of it, I just turned it off and now I get to do it all over again. Yey.
I thought I had something else to say, but I guess not, so I'mma just play some Pokemon. Or go back to bed. I am hella tired.
- Mood: sleepy
(Quick Zune update, because I know it's been weighing on no one's mind but my own; The crack obviously hasn't miraculously healed itself, but the black has begun to mostly go back inside. I have officially put in the order to get it fixed. I never got my confirmation email from Zune/Microsoft, but I do have my receipt printed. So, if nothing happens by year end, I'll... do something about it. I don't know what)
I can't remember if I posted it here, but I got my job at Blockbuster. Yesterday I got my first pay check. I deposited it today. The money won't actually be available to me until Tuesday, but that's fine since I'm planning on saving for a bit and then getting an xbox as soon as I have enough. From there... I don't know. I want a new DS. I want a new bed. I want a ball jointed doll. I want to be independent.
I know my mom's going to want to me to start paying rent. But to be one hundred percent honest, I don't want to. And it's more than just me not wanting to spend my money on ''grown up things''. It's just that we've got Nick living with us. And for the entire time he's been here - half of a year - he has never paid rent. Oh, sure, he gives my mom money ''when he can'' but she still drives him all over the place. Or he'll take the car. And she buys him cigarettes. And of course we have to get that much more food now.
I don't know. I mean, I know my mom could use the help, and I know ever little bit does help, but it just seems massively unfair that I am her DAUGHTER and he's not even remotely related and it just always seems like he gets the preferencial treatment.
I kept forgetting to call the school to tell them to drop my classes. They're on break now. I don't know what to do. I know I'm going to get charged for shit and... God. My mom's been yelling at me for that, for not calling because I don't do anything all day and I have no reason to call, but I don't think of shit like that. And she's the one who pressured me to do it.
I don't want to think about that.
I just want to go to work tomororow and check out movies to people. And then I want to come home and lay with my cats and my laptop.
I have other stuff I feel like I could whine about but it just feels stupid so I'm going to call it quits now.
- Mood:
blah
My zune. It's... been harmed. It appears to be merely one of the purely aesthetic injury, not one which really cripples.
See for yourself.
I'm lost. I don't know what to do.. I'm still under warranty but the Microsoft page is being full of bullshit right now and it's really pissing me off.
- Mood:
scared
While we were waiting for the show to begin, we were watching the music videos they play. We couldn't hear them. One of the music videos looked really interesting. Really interesting. So, I sent myself a text of the artists name so that I could look it up later.
I ended up deleting all of my texts, like I do, without remembering about the artist name.
So, now I'm tormented because I want it and I can't remember it.
- Mood: frustrated
I'm the one who's all kinds of fucked up.
She tries to do nice things for me, considerate things and... whenever she does ... I just sort of... turn it down.
I don't know why I do that. I tell her time and again, not to make things for me. I always feel so guilty after and it could all just be avoided if she would listen.
I'm laying in bed right now. She just brought me up a piece of cake. I told her I didn't want. I mean, we bought the cake for me. I like the cake. But because she didn't ask me if I wanted any right now, because she just cut a piece and brought it up... I told her to take it back down.
I feel like such a bitch. I'm going to go mope on my cat ... probably for the rest of the night.
- Mood: guilty
I love to brag. It makes me feel like an asshole (Which I love) and it makes me feel good that I have something to brag about.
So, explanations out of the way, let's get to the bragging!
I have an LCD monitor. Seventeen inch flatscreen SEX. I love it more than I could ever possibly say.
"Uhlisuh, how the fuck did you poor ass get something like THAT!?"
Well, I'm glad you asked. You see, my aunt is basically rich. That wealth does not often trickle over to my mom or myself, so I usually sit back and grumble unpleasantly when she's talking about the new awesome things she gets. Well, the other day, she got a whole new computer. So, being the techretard she is, she asked me to come over and point out a few things about Vista.
Well, we walk in and I basically cream my jeans at her new monitor. Twenty-six inch LCD. A giant sex pot. But then I look at her floor, and there's her old monitor, looking rejected and unloved. My mom, bless her, asked my aunt what she was going to do with the old stuff. The printer and fax are going to her daughter - my cousin. But apparently, she doesn't have plans for anything else (Except the tower, because it's going to get recycled)
So gives the monitor to us.
I was going to hook it up for my mom, since he system is kind of old... But this thing of beauty would be wasted on her desktop!
So I took it. Plugged it in my laptop. Watched some How I Met Your Mother. (Long ass title)
So, yeah. I think Tiger and I are going to cuddle up and watch some more television shows on it.
- Mood:
geeky
Everytime I hit shift, the word shift in a weird little box pops up. It's really annoying.
Today is oh so very meh. Thursday. What a boring day.
Monday I go in to see if Leslie - that's the hiring manager at Blockbuster - if looked at my app. I'm nervous. She's never actually seemed like a nice lady. I'm sure she's fine, but I can't ever recall seeing her smile, or having a conversation with her while I checked out movies. I hadn't even known her name until I told her I would be applying. I know most of the other workers there.
Blockbuster has been my pathetic little dream job since I was like twelve. It's one of the jobs I might be able to enjoy. But does anyone ever really enjoy their job? It never seems like they do. It always seems like it's some terrible thing, some chore. Do jobs exist where people enjoy them and want to go back?
I can't describe this feeling I have right now. It's sort of just hovering in my chest and neck and I don't know what it is. I don't like it. I think it might be what it feels like to be an adult.
Not only is this possible job sitting on my horizon, but so is school. I mean, school is a reality. Regardless of whether or not I get financial aid, it's there. If I had a job, I could pay for it and I'd be a college student. I don't feel like I'm explaining that accurately. I am registered for college. I'm meant to be starting in January. It just doesn't seem to feel real, since I know there is still the chance that I won't be going. If I can't get financial aid, enough to cover everything, it will have all just been wasted time.
More wasted than time spent doing nothing on the internet? Hardly. But still.
Maybe it's fear. Not like, adrenaline fear, excited fear, fake fear. But actual fear.
Grow up, Uhlisuh. People start college and get jobs every day. It's nothing to be afraid of.
I'm leaving in the summer. I don't know where I'm going yet, but I know I'm not staying here. I can't be here anymore. I'd leave sooner if I could.
I'm scared of that, too, I think. Change has always terrified me. How much will change? What else will change? It's so uncontrollable and that's scary.
I know exactly how I would have answered that question. But I didn't want to admit it.
- Mood: uncomfortable
After the initial horror of "Ughhhh... Grandma's cominggggg" I started thinking... Nick lives with us. She does not technically know he is living with us. She greatly disapproves that he's living with us. He's going to have to go somewhere else while she's here! That's at least a week of not living with Nick again! God, I cannot wait. Like, the longer he's here, the more I think about things I can't do anymore.
I can't do laundry in my underpants.
I can't wake up at 3am and watch infomercials... in my underpants.
I barely even leave my room anymore! He's downstairs and he'll try to talk to me or he'll make fun of my typing ("Tickticktickticktickticktick") and the whole house smells like smoke now. Like, my mom didn't stand up to him when he moved in and didn't say "Kay, you're living here now? Here are the rules." and when I tried to - No shoes inside, no smoking - she'd always stage-whisper "Don't listen to her."
And what's worse is that she buys him cigarettes. She drives him all over the place every night. Even though he does the disshes and I'm utterly useless, I am a better live-in because I don't make her take me places and I don't smoke. Gas and cigaretters are hella expensive.
So. Ugh. Nick sucks. But gran's coming and that means more home alone time. Woowoo.
- Mood: irritated
So, I decided to check out the books and try to make my own informed decsion.
The further I get in to the book, the more respect I lose for the author and for the fans.
It's terrible. It's. Terrible.
I have a friend who read the first book and told me this. She said it was like really bad fanfiction.
That is precisely what it is. It is really bad fanfiction.
The characters are stop-and-stare gorgeous, they're smart, they're popular. Bella, the main bitch, has like four people ask her to a dance. Everyone wants to be her friend. Everyone knows her name. Edward (Cedric!) is like... mind-boggling beautiful, with beautiful eyes and a beautiful face, and a beautiful voice and gutjnfvgbhgfrd plx 2 b dying nao.
Don't get me wrong. I am all about the pretty vampires. But when they're described as having "bruises under their eyes"... That's not hot. That's dead. Bella is a necrophiliac.
I have created a theory though - based solely on the movie version - that Edward IS Cedric. See, Cedric dies. What happens when you die? You turn in to a vampire. lololololol Start the cross over fanfictions.
(Is it possible to have good fanfiction for a book which is basically BAD fanfiction?)
/edition
Like ohmaigawd! This girl doesn't like me!? What a flippin' tragedy.
- Mood: annoyed
So here.
1. Stop talking about politics for a moment or two.
2. Post a reasonably-sized picture in your LJ, NOT under a cut tag, of something pleasant, such as an adorable kitten, or a fluffy white cloud, or a bottle of booze. Something that has NOTHING TO DO WITH POLITICS.
3. Include these instructions, and share the love.
This is my current favorite image. I know everyone checks cheezburger, but still. You can look at this one again. It just makes laugh so much.
(Have a little catching up to do on my nano, but still going strong)
- Mood: amused
But God damnit, I am a much better writer than this... well, I'd assume it was a girl, based on her user name... girl on dA.
Some little... I'm not sure if it was meant to be a poem or what, but this thing she wrote is on the front page of dA write now and it's full of "I can't describe how much I like this" and "Fantasic!" comments and... it's just... not.
I'm not saying that I want comments like that, because that's bs. I don't particularly like my stuff to be too public, and I am perfectly okay with it being unnoticed.
But people need to stop licking balls. srsly guys.
(PS; I voted for the president woowoo)
- Mood: aggravated
I just wanted to waddle over here to make a note (huge success) about my nano progress.
5184 words. Which is on schedule, for day three, which I am counting this as, even though it's technically day four. I'm incredibly pleased. I haven't run out of steam and I have made it further than I did last year, so even if I fail now... Well, I won't have had failed quite as badly as I had before.
And now that I'm caught up (I was a little behind earlier today) I have decided upon a reward system. I get to read a comic every time I make 1k words.
Hmm...
I'm unsure if I've anything else to say... Except that I still don't have a job. But I'm voting tomorrow (Today) for the first time in my life. I'm mildly excited.
- Mood: accomplished
Undead Journal would be an even bigger hangout whine-o-blog for the emo kids. LIKE ME. I LIKE IT. I VOTE TO KEEP IT THIS WAY.
So uh. I have had two and a half hours of sleep. I am mother fucking tired. And if I weren't a member of an avatar forum which has its Halloween event require you to trick or treat at different urls every ten minutes I could be sleeping right now.
Mene. Be like Subeta.
I can't... remember what I was going to say.
Yes, yes. I'm pathetic, sacrificing sleep for this BUT I have to make up for the time spent at Cedar Point tonight. I think you'll agree with me when I say that going out with a friend is more important than sleep... (But yes, I have contemplated calling Alyce and telling her I can't make it xD I NEED APPLES OKAY AND I CAN'T GET AP
I didn't even want to sleep for those two and a half hours. But my router died at a REALLY inconvenient time and it was easier to just set my phone to wake me up after my mom went to work. Which is what I did.
I'm going trick or treating now
- Mood: sleepy
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boredomkillsme- Uhlisuh
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